im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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