if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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