I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
