when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
