Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Let's get the cat blown out
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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