i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
