I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize