Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
