Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
