he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
