The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Life is so much better after having sex.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
