I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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