i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
