I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
