My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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