Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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