MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
