were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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