I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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