so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
