fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My pussy is not your playground.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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