That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
