Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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