there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
