I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
it's like iHOP with fire
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
