there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
