OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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