u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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