Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize