I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
