My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
