# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize