My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
