my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
