and you said cock pushups were impossible
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
porn star boner night. come get it.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
