My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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