so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
