There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
