I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Less talking, more tequila
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
