the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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