My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
