I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
