I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
