Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
