My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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