Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
