So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
