That's intense
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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