i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
