I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
