Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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