but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just invented taco cereal.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
