I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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