should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
