Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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