dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
