If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
