Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
