he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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