The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize