I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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