I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
