I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I forgot how hot balto sounded
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
