We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
