Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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