We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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