i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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