After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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