she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize