He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
