we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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