Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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