News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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