absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
