it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize