need another drink. this is the easiest way
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
