i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
