i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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