Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
