Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
