you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize