I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
