i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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