What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
