Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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