My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
