we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I looked at my own cervix.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
