I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
