So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
