Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize