I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
