went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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