marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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