This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
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