I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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