can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think i have herpe
just one?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
