Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
