So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
