What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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