dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize