I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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